Egg-stacy.

(I know, you didn't think a pun could get that bad. THE PUNISHER RETURNS.)

They say egg cookery is the most essential of chef-y skillz. To become a chef in Jacques Pepin's kitchen, prospective hires had to make a perfect omelette as their entrance exam. The 100 folds in a chef's toque symbolize the hundred ways he or she should be able to prepare an egg. So, friends, put away those egg beaters and find someone with a chicken coop. My friend, Bear, was kind enough to bring me a dozen from his hens in Austin.

BEHOLD. Btw, Chicken eggs vary in color due to pigments which are deposited as the eggs move through the hen's oviduct. These pigments are genetic, something like hair color, and vary from chicken to chicken. Mmm, oviduct deposits.

Many a befuddled friend has asked how restaurant eggs are always so perfectly round and/or cooked evenly. The secret? Either a very small pan or, as pictured below, a ring mold. You see, as the egg ages part of the white becomes watery and less viscous than the other parts. In fact, the height of the white is used commercially to determine the age of an egg (using Haugh units, which no one cares about). The watery parts spread out in a pan and cook to a leathery crisp by the time the yolk or perky white have a chance to feel the heat. Ring molds/small pans cajole the egg to an even thickness. This is a really long winded way of saying, it cooks better this way. Spray the ring mold with non-stick spray and make sure it's food safe before heating in a pan, please.

Free range eggs generally have a richer golden hue to their yolks because the chickens have had more opportunity to eat carotenoid rich plants (as opposed to being locked in a 8"x8" pen with only corn feed to console it)

Bien. I ended up putting this on an english muffin with roasted eggplant, spinach, and whole grain mustard but was too frenzied with hunger to get a good picture. Please try to imagine it for now and I will make it for you the next time I see you.

Now that you know more than you ever cared to know about eggs, here are some cool things you can do with them:

Soak an egg in vinegar to take off the shell.

Make Chinese Marbled Eggs. This preparation doesn''t change the flavor, but they're striking. Excellent instructions here: http://www.pigpigscorner.com/2011/01/marbled-red-vinasse-eggs.html

Attempt to play along with Wylie Dufrene and his love of eggs. And yes, the intro music is awful.

There's also:

• The perfect cheese souffle
• An egg briskly cooked atop a woodfired pizza
• Hollandaise
• Angel food cake
• Macarons
• Mayonnaise
• Challah
• Poached eggs on... anything
• Soft scrambled eggs, which are more complicated than you think. Go here for an appropriately fatty recipe. Also, when I googled "Bill's scrambled eggs" this came up: 

And so many other dishes. Doesn't seem so hard to get to 100, does it?

Quick Bytes.

For your digital consumption:

Korean "tacos": KFC (Korean fried chicken) w/ fried shallot & pickled ginger, traditional kalbi w/ goju & radish sprouts, tuna w/ garlic chives & roe

Unagi with a passable fried rice & garlic chives from my garden

Korean "8-ball" (seriously, that's the name in central market) zucchini panfried, then topped with pork which had been stewed in kimchee and pearl onions. Drizzle with a mixture of soy, mirin, sugar, and sake.

Somen noodles with salmon sashimi, cucumbers, and avocado. Slightly bastardized Korean dish that even a Korean would like.

Boil somen noodles for 3-5 minutes (they're very quick), rise said noodles under cold water and toss with ice cubes and sesame oil (lest it clump into an infuriating ball of paste) while you prepare the sauce of gojujang, sugar (to taste, a lot of folks like this dish extremely sweet but I'm not really one of them), mirin, and water to get a dribbly consistency (think emulsified vinaigrette). Toss the noodles in the sauce, lay on a bed of icy cold romaine slivers and top with other cold stuff. This is a summer dish - spicy and cold at the same time. Perfect for 100F days.

Jalebi - I unfortunately didn't make this (but maybe it's better I don't know how to make these honey soaked funnel cake confections). I actually despise honey in most applications, but enjoyed these.

The beginnings of our Puri.

No 2 drink minimum required for enjoyment, but doesn't hurt.

Futures market.

For those of you who've yet to be indoctrinated with uber liberal environmentalist can-you-feel-the-GHGs-melting-the-planet-yet commentary - hold onto your butts. It's about to happen.

Some facts and figures for your digestion:

• 90% of the world's large predatory fish population has been eradicated since 1900 (including tuna, cod, swordfish, and the 3 Michelin star favorite Patagonian Toothfish otherwise known as Chilean sea bass. Marketing works wonders.)
• Conservative estimates suggest 70% of the world's fisheries are exploited, over-exploited, or completely collapsed. 1% are in recovery.
• 1+ billion people rely on depleted fish sources for their protein.
• The U.N. projects that by 2050 almost all fish will be gone from the oceans. On the upside, squid and sardines will probably still be readily available due to their short prolific lives.

Maybe you're one of those people who doesn't eat seafood on the reg. Why should you still care? Because overfishing means the population of the ocean aka 71% of the Earth's surface is about to go extinct. Even in disregarding the effect of rising sea levels, the consequences of pollution and overfishing on depleting sea life puts all other Earth bound life in peril. Subsistence fishers will have no sustainable nutrition. Animals that eat the sea life down the food chain will die. Basically we're looking at an ecological collapse of the most diverse environment on our planet. I mean, what if I have to spend my time studying instead of watching Blue Planet?!

What should you do about overfishing? It's pretty easy if everyone participates. Go here and download or order a little booklet that shows you the sustainable fish in your area. You can also download an app on your smartphone. Try to buy "best choices" and occasionally "good alternatives". Heed the "avoid" list. Look, I know HEB sells farmed Atlantic salmon for [what should be] criminally low prices, but is that really worth ecological collapse? Save up your pennies for wild Alaskan or go for Rainbow Trout. It's also fairly inexpensive and has a similar flavor since it's almost the same fish, minus the ocean going time. Alternatively, buy tilapia. Tilapia is probably the easiest fish to prepare and cheap as all get out. Tilapia finds itself amongst a very select few species that have been successfully and sustainably farmed (farming often times leads to even more problems).

If you have a few bucks to spend, get Pacific Halibut and make this:

Sustainably Scintillating.

Potato Wrapped Halibut
 for 1 serving

Halibut

• (1) 4-6oz fillet of wild pacific halibut, skinned and deboned
• 1/2 russet potato sliced very thin on a mandolin, about 1/16" thickness. Use the middle part of the potato so you get even rounds. Yukons can also be used and have a great flavor, but the russet holds together better due to the high starch content.
• Kosher salt and pepper
• 2 T butter or olive oil
• Plastic wrap

 Shingle the potatoes on the plastic wrap in this formation:

Mmm, ugly oxidized raw potato photo.

Lightly season the layered potatoes and the fish with salt and fresh pepper. Lay your fish in the center and wrap gently. This may take a little rearranging. Wrap as tightly as possible with the cling wrap and put in the fridge to rest. This is an important step because it allows the potato starch to adhere to itself and create a crust that won't pop off at the slightest touch. Meanwhile, make the Romesco sauce and salad.

Romesco

• 2 T yogurt
• 2 T Romesco. This is a time consuming sauce and though I've made it before (this is my preferred recipe), I just used a prepared version my father sent me for this recipe. Wayyy easier and pretty good. 
• 1/2 T mayo

Mix together, set aside. If you wish, put it in a squeeze bottle for nice plate finishing. However, make sure the bottle has a large opening otherwise the almonds will clog it.

Shaved Vegetable Salad

• (1) small zucchini - you won't use all of it and I'd recommend buying the baby zucchini if you can find it.
• (1) carrot
• (1) green onion, cut on the extreme bias.
• 1/2 lemon's worth of juice
• 1T good olive oil
• 2 oz roasted butternut squash (split in half, seeds removed, seasoned with salt & smoked pepper, roasted at 400F for 1h)
• Salt and Pepper
• Handful of maché lettuce (also known as lamb's ear)

These vegetables can really be anything in your refrigerator. This is just what I happened to have on hand. Slice the zucchini and carrot on the mandolin lengthwise fairly thin (about 1/16" to 1/8") being extra super careful because mandolin's favorite food is index finger. Toss with the green onion, lemon juice, olive oil and set aside to marinate (preferably in the fridge).

Assembly

Put a heavy pan on medium heat, not too high or the potatoes will burn and the fish will be raw. Sear the fish turning as few times as possible in olive oil or butter.

NO TOUCHE

As the fish is searing, toss the mache with the veg and rip in chunks of butternut squash. Don't do this too soon otherwise the mache will wilt into a sad slop. The squash adds a lot of substance to this light dish. Add salt and pepper to taste.

When the fish is done, plate with the salad and a squirt of Romesco in as artsy or non-artsy of a fashion as you desire.

Vaguely artsy for a starving artist.

Then prepare to eat this deliciously moist fish:

The potato helps to sear in the moisture and the crisp coating is the perfect foil to the soft, flaky fish.

When you're happy, how you know it.

Winter's annual spring forward brings fresh produce, sxsw and skin as Texans shed most of their clothes in hot pursuit of a moderately comfortable body temperature. Ah, subtropical climates - can't beat it. But with this happiness comes a down cycle in my productivity. I seem to lose all motivation, and often times inspiration, to write when I'm happy. Creative friends notice the same and I can't seem to put my finger on why. Luckily, I'm in law school and always sort of miserable. As a self-absorbed college student (so much has changed.), I wrote:

"They say life comes in waves. I went from floundering in 50 foot waves of lemons to the beach with an ice cold lemonade in hand. Honestly, I'd at least like to be in the kiddie pool or something. I just feel so far removed from what I perceive as life that I'm dying a little inside. I'm now experiencing normalcy - an altogether dull and tedious state of existence for me."

Just the thought of a routine, "normal" life makes me itchy with anxiety. Without excitement and spontaneity, even with the combined happiness and serenity of all the Dalai Lamas, I die a little. It's a painfully immature aspect of my personality, one I (not so secretly) hope keeps me out of suburban life with three kids and a friends base found exclusively through PTA luncheons.

Fortunately, I just got back from the excitement of SXSW and haven't quit the misery machine of school so I'm still able to spend my Saturday mornings writing and concocting things like this:

Leaning Tower of pretentious food.

This isn't so much a recipe as frying some sage and goat cheese (rolled into balls, chilled, pass through some egg wash then bread crumbs and fry quickly in 375F-ish peanut oil), reducing balsamic, and then assembling the parts. Drizzle with good first press olive oil, scatter on some whole pink peppercorns, sea salt, and basil.

Fried Sage.

Well, they say everything's better with bacon.

Friends in tasty places.

Last year I had the pleasure of eating at REEF and Zelko Bistro. I grew up with the chef, Neda, who soused (yeah, that’s now a verb, at least on this blog.) at both. She’s like my adopted little sister just not actually adopted. Her older sister was (and still is, really) my best friend growing up and I tortured Neda like my own sibling. Growing up I remember spending afternoons at their house rolling lumpia on plastic covered furniture so typical of Asian households. There was always the faint smell of fried food in the air, twinged with the sharpness of vinegar and cleaning products. Neda began her career as an opera singer then suddenly decided to move into the culinary arts. Some people just have all the talent. At the tender age of 23 she has been featured in Saveur and worked as a sous at Reef (which has won many accolades and the exec competed in the Next Iron Chef) and now Zelko Bistro, which Houston Press just named best new restaurant of the year. Here are a few pictures of Thanksgiving with her and her/my family and a couple dishes enjoyed at Zelko.

 

I had a crush on Jahan in middle school. I was 12 and he was 15 (I think). He now studies comparative religion and makes ridiculously intricate cakes as a hobby.

Manda and I bonded over our fears of the job market. She is getting an MPH from UT. She brought these fried bananas and ate them with abandon despite her diminutive frame. She's my hero.

I believe this gentleman owns Zelko. He will talk to you for hours about wine and uses the descriptors "Tar-like notes" and "deep ollaberry undercurrents". He smoked a pork leg (pictured with terrible photo quality) for 6 hours so I love him anyway.

This is Neda. She's testing the chicken fried turkey - it was brined then coated in a savory cinnamon spice batter and deep fried. Best turkey of my life.

Butternut squash soup @Zelko - later Neda left the bottle of white truffle oil on the table for us and I floated an overly decadent amount in this bowl.

Farmhouse sandwich @Zelko

Steak and Potatoes - can't go wrong, and this was oh-so right.

Truffle Parm Fries.

Haven't I?

So I haven't died... yet. Finals time has arrived and has brought its minions, ulcer and stress hives. Okay, maybe not that bad, but the violet bags under my eyes after 3h nights are more than noticeable. My kitchen ceiling is currently leaking murky rust colored water into my gas range, which I'm terribly excited about (wtf, landlord). Someday (someday = Dec 18th), I will wake up in the absence of an alarm clock, call some friends over for Prosecco and an ornate breakfast, and update this poor neglected blog. Until then, this is my fun:

Spicy Gochu Chicken Salad with Candied Ginger.

I feel this website has gone high brow and that's not all I'm about. Most days, when I return from a 12h stint in the law school, I want something homey. A classic that comforts you. Something that reminds you of the faint lingering musk of your parents' kitchen. That being said, I'm not fond of all American classics - chicken salad, for example, is not the tits. The gloopiness - the tongue-coating bloat of mayonnaise makes me shiver, and not in a good way. Smooth creaminess has its place in my heart, but I try my best to keep it out of my arteries (though I often fail).

I propose a new way to prepare chicken salad: Korean style. I grew up eating spicy pork with gochujang, but I honestly prefer chicken. Chicken is cheap as chips (I don't know why all this Brit slang is making it into this post), readily available (but please buy free range/air chilled. If you disagree I challenge you to drink a bottle of wine then watch the middle scene of Baraka. Near vomit inducing as far as I'm concerned.), and fast (That's right another parenthetical, just for the hell of it.). It's also idiot proof. I grew up cooking and eating the pork version, but it still confounds me. The balance of salty sweet pork is a hard road to forge. If you're a beginner, go for the chicken. The pork version also requires a LOT of sugar which is generally omitted from the poultry version. If you or yours have never tried Korean food, or have only had bulgogi/kalbi (the beef bbq), give this a go - you know, test your horizons. It's not nearly as scary as you'd think.

Spicy Gochu Chicken Salad with Candied Ginger.
(measurements approximated - sorry I'm terrible at measuring things)

ingredients
1T veg/canola/peanut/neutral oil
2 lbs chicken breast, thighs, or tenders cut into 1" pieces, fat and skin removed
1t ginger, finely minced (optional)
1T gochujang (korean chili paste, see below)
1T gochu flakes (again, see below)
1T sugar
1T minced garlic
2T soy sauce
1T mirin
1T sake
1/2 T sesame oil

Gochu - I even have a hard time finding it. You might be able to substitute a mixture of ground red pepper flakes and chili powder, though.

Gochujang paste - Easily purchased from any Asian grocer

Here's the easy part: Mix everything but the neutral oil together. Let it sit for an hour. Or for however long you have - an hour, a day, 30 minutes. It's not a very fussy dish.


In the mean time, you can cut up you favorite salad fixin's. Below I've included julienned Belgian endive and carrot (on a mandoline for ease), tomato, romaine, blanched asparagus, green onion, and toasted peanuts.

Why I need a sous chef. Any volunteers?

When you get all your mis together, it's time to saute the chicken. I'd recommend a non-stick pan, though a grill would also work. The marinade is less than forgiving on non-stick surfaces, however, so chef beware. Heat the tablespoon of oil in the pan over medium high to high heat. When it's almost smoking, throw in your chicken and sear on all sides. This should take a matter of minutes (3-5m max). When it's cooked through, remove and toss with the other salad ingredients. Want to know the secret ingredient to this salad? I'm telling you anyway: Very thinly sliced crystallized ginger. The mild heat and chewy sweetness of ginger is the perfect counterpoint to chili's warm undertones and garlic's slap-Dracula-in-the-face potency.

I thought this was actually too much ginger when I was making the salad, but ended up having to chop more.

Serve with nuoc mam or whatever suitable dressing you have around (put that hidden valley away, you pleb).